Friday, October 4, 2013

It is what it is

                So….It’s kind of funny how life can change in an instant.  One day you are thinking you have everything you could have ever wanted….and then you wake up and it’s all gone.   Or so you think.  All of a sudden you can’t see past today, hey your lucky if you can see past the next 60 seconds.  Your brain goes crazy, and your heart starts skipping beats…you start losing weight, you don’t sleep, you look where ever you can for answers…..and find none.
                That my friends, is divorce.  When you have no idea that it is coming, and you think that everything is okay.  I now know first hand what people go through…and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. 
I guess the worst part of it for me at least, is the midget pygmy’s.  I still see them, but it’s not the same….its weak substitute for being in their lives on a day to day basis.  I guess it’s for the best.  Why should two of the best things in my life be with two people who suddenly after supposed bliss can’t stand each other?  I won’t point fingers; I won’t play the blame game.  Its life, it happens, it’s not pretty, but what can you do?  You suck it up, wake up every day, put a smile on your face, and try to make the best of what you have been given.  And guess what…pretty soon things do look better, and they ARE better.

                So…I have talked about the worst part of it.  My cousin Mo......kind of a crusty salty soul…told me when this was starting…hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  He kept telling me to put myself first…work on myself.  It only took close to 9 months.  I’m finally there.  So…the best part of this…friends and family.  People who you knew would be in your corner, and there for you.  Also…family that you thought was just family on paper…who all of a sudden are engrained in your life.  That’s the best part.  You go for years and know you have family. But you don’t really connect.  Then all of a sudden…you connect…like you had in years past.  That my friends are the most wonderful feeling I have felt in a long time.

                I have taken a break from blogging…that much you can tell.  But…I have not been exactly been dormant.  I have been spending time working on my wood working, well programming at least.  Not too much time in production, but hey it’s something right? 

Then…I was like hey.  I want to set up a Facebook page for my woodworking.  So..Please, seach for me and like me.  Smith And Sons Signs.  Its new…I’m working on it.  Then WHAMO!!!  I have orders for signs. 

Then out of the blue, I have someone who wants me to make their branded Jams and Jellies.  This would be a whole sale, but it gets me back into the game.  And right now, anything that gets me into, or keeps me in the game is worth doing. 

Also…something happened to wake the slumbering jelly giant.  My sister asked me to help her with her wedding favors.  90+ ¼ pints of blackberry Jam.  Yeah….one day, one fell swoop…and it was done.  I went to bed EXAUSTED that day….but the next day woke up feeling refreshed.  Something had started to wake up.

My Blog, my life, my cooking, are not where I want them to be.  It kind of bums me out, and then I get depressed, and I don’t do anything about it.  I have a feeling that’s about to change.  There is only so long someone can sit on the sidelines and watch life pass you by.  If you wait too long it’s going to be impossible to jump back in, and do what needs to be done.  So my friends, this is the turning point.  I don’t know where I am going to start, or what I am going to do, but I have to do something.  Going through every day putting one foot in front of the other isn’t working for me anymore.  For a while I was proud that I could wake up, get dressed, ride to work, and have it appear that I am okay, and my life is going good.  I have come to the realization that no, my life is not good, and no, I am not doing okay.  And that, I am proud to say.  We all have people in our lives that pretend that their lives are together, and we all know they really aren’t.  I refuse to be one of those people.  For my two midget pygmy’s, my friends and loved ones, and others in my life that have come into my life as more than friends, more than acquaintances…I owe them fealty.  And it is time I start paying that price.

                After months and months of bad news, worse news, and are you kidding me news, things are finally starting to move me back towards the surface.  For the longest time I was treading water, and I started to fall beneath the waves.  But, there is hope for me.  =)  It took all these months to realize that I have never quit at anything.  I may have surrendered a time or two, but I have never given up, nor have I given up fighting the good fight.

SO….the good news of all of this…is I will be blogging more.  Hahaha.  Good for me…but you guys have to read what I wrote.